Infidelity can shake the very core and foundation of a relationship making it feel as if the relationship can’t survive. Intense feelings are brought up for each individual which can include feelings of betrayal, loss, regret, guilt, confusion, and emotional pain. A loss of trust is experienced and defensiveness arises making open and vulnerable communication feel impossible. Couples therapy can assist with the healing process and help the couple move forward.
How Couples Therapy Helps After Infidelity
Couples therapists provide a safe space for processing trauma from betrayal. The partner who had the affair is guided to take accountability while also exploring the reason for the infidelity. Space is held in sessions for the hurt partner to share their feelings and needs. A couples therapist also assists the couple in rebuilding trust and improving communication. “One of the most helpful parts of couples counseling is to help clients “co-create mutual understanding, so everyone is on the same page, in the same book,” according to Jing Yang, LCPC, couples counselor.
Create a Safe Space for Honest Conversations
Couples therapists assist the couple in maintaining an environment in which it feels safe to share. This can look like pausing the conversation when things get heated and helping couples reground so authentic communication around emotional needs can be had.
Understand What Led to the Affair
Couples therapists skillfully guide exploration into why the affair took place. They assist clients in taking accountability while creating a non-judgemental environment in which underlying emotions and needs can be explored for greater understanding.
Rebuild Trust
Couples therapists provide education on rebuilding trust and assist clients in understanding how to repair and move forward in a way that allows trust to rebuild over time.
Process Trauma and Emotional Pain
Once safety and stabilization have been established with your couples therapists, betrayal trauma and emotional pain are processed. A skilled couples therapist is able to help each individual understand the underlying emotions, behaviours, and thoughts that are preventing them from reconnecting.
When asked about healing after infidelity, Atim Bassey, LCSW-C, states, “I think that what helps the most is for a couple to view infidelity as a trauma. First because it is a trauma, and secondly it sets the couple’s expectations for a more realistic healing timeline. It also removes the idea of going back to ‘normal.’ Returning to ‘normal’ is not a realistic expectation after trauma. You can heal and grow but you can’t expect things to be as they were. They can be better or worse but not the same. The path I believe is most effective for healing after infidelity involves first establishing safety, providing psychoeducation on the impact, and then helping the couple understand what happened, why, and create meaning from the experience to decide how to move forward, whether together or apart.”
Improve Communication
Couples therapists provide education and assist clients in practicing communication skills. These skills allow for a feeling of safety within the relationships so that vulnerable communication can happen once more.
If infidelity is impacting your relationship, couples therapy may be right for you. Contact us to get scheduled with our experienced couples therapists in Gaithersburg, MD.
When working with clients, Amy (she/her) uses her warm personality along with her relational approach to engage her clients in the therapeutic process. She has always strived to have a supportive, collaborative relationship with her clients, allowing for deep personal growth and healing.